Entry 10

Today I am on a downer. Could be feeling better but the thoughts in my head decide my mood more than often. Everything just seems to pile on top and that’s when I feel like shit, because my life isn’t as good as it could be, and this place has turned into something I don’t wanna go to everyday, and considering I’ve only been here less than a year that isn’t a good thing, but do you know who I blame this on? Lee. I’m struggling there again, things seem okay, just okay nothing happens anymore, everything there is a hidden thought behind it or a argument in the works, when everything was going well and then going bad, my head is stuck in the middle and shouting at me how did you let your guard down so much? You know what happens when you get that low! This is kind of ironic because I am listening to All Time Low by The Wanted and the words are ‘how do you get up from an all time low?’ yeah not helping.

I need some motivation and at the moment I have nothing! I’ve have ten tonnes of work to do. Exams coming up and I’m just no good at this school stuff, I have no money so I cant buy stuff, (that normally cheers me up a little bit) just life just drifting on and on without a purpose! I suppose I’m not failing, I’m just behind not as much as other people and that’s a good thought too. But I don’t wanna do this sixth form anymore, its just school but in different clothes, and a common room. Yeah that’s pretty much as it is, I hate the early mornings and I probably would be better off just getting my English and maths and leaving. But really I need my health work I can see myself doing something health related I hope, it would be a good and useful job. With lots of time off.

Well I’m going now as I have ran out of ideas that I even bore myself with.

Zoe xx

Entry 9

Well its been a while since I last posted something, but here I am, its Thursday and I have 4 days of holiday left, and boy is it gonna hit me hard, its been so good having this time off and I am really gonna miss it! Not much has happened in these two weeks, hardly anything and now as school is just round the corner, I am in a rush to do some kind of work and there I was thinking hmm I start on Tuesday which means I don’t have to do so much of the work that is due in on Tuesday but then I remember I go back n Tuesday so yepp that work has to be done weather its wrong or right. I have a lot of work to do right now and I’ slowly falling behind which isn’t a good thing, also the fact that I am at my dads and don’t have half the work with me that I need is just making it that little bit worse.

Health is the longest, 3 different teachers doing three different parts of the course pilling it all up and demanding it when we have a holiday, when knowing they probably anit done anything like us. Business, I haven’t even looked at! Haven’t even spared it a thought. Well if I had a £1000 for every piece of work I had to do or improve, I would be rich and not need the grades!

On a less stressed note, I have finally finished my vampire diaries books, and it was good! The ending could have given you some more clues, but oh well. I will now have to start the true blood books, but I only have the first one but I know someone with them all so may have to borrow them!

There have been no more developments in the lee department everything seems to be okay but I wonder how things will be at school, she goes near him anymore and I will be angry

Well anyway should be getting on with my work! Lots to do!

Zoe xx 

Entry 8

I am finally on my last week at school and then we are off for two weeks for the Easter holidays! I truly can’t wait to finally break up and have a well earned break. It feels like ages since I have had an actual break! I really need it.

Well yesterday was Lacey’s christening and it went pretty well most people turned up but the people who I would of liked to turn up didn’t, but I mingled and talked, everything seemed to go to plan. But mum ended up drunk and when out for the night, this is typical mum and I’ll be surprised if poppy or Lacey went to school today. But everything was okay, there were no arguments which surprised me even more and even Nan and Granddad made an effort. This is a picture of me, Lacey, Poppy and Luke, my face isn’t brilliant but it’s a good picture.  

Well that’s all I have to say really, I’ll write again on Wednesday because that when I next have a free lesson.

Zoe xx

Entry 7

Today is Monday and I already want the week to end, I cant be assed to do any work and I’m slowly falling behind in health. We went to the nursery Friday and the first thing our teacher did was have a go at us, hmm not the best start for going to be with happy little children, but she said after we was brilliant and to be honest I felt a bit smug about, we did painting and cutting and stick and then we made pasta chain things, I think we did pretty well and considering there quite a few of us there still wasn’t enough of us to be two at a table. But we did really well and we just got to type it up and what happened. Tomorrow I have Mrs. Dray which I’m not really looking forward to we have a lot of work to do for her and she’s not even a health teacher so anit really got a clue on what we’re meant to be doing. And I missed our last lesson because of R.E stop day that was a waste of time, and we have work due in and I didn’t know anything about it till today and even then I don’t know what I’m meant to be doing!

But all over subjects seem to be okay, media I’m doing okay just slacking slightly, business I’m probable further than most people but working to slow. But as long as I don’t come out with U’s I think I’ll be happy.

Bad news now, yesterday me and mum went out to the shed so she could show me what food she had got for the christening and there was a dead cat in there, it was horrible, but we think he had only just gone and he was still moveable, just. We knocked a few people’s houses and one lady said someone owned him in the flats and moved away leaving him behind, we named him Whiskers because he never had a collar, but we never fed him because we thought he had an owner and he would keep coming back over wise. But I feel sorry for him cos he died probably of hunger or was really ill. We rang the RSPCA but they couldn’t do anything because they only deal with ill or injured animals, they told us to ring the council which we did and they said they can only deal with him if he’s in a park or a highway, but today they rang back and are going to take him away, god knows what they’ll do with him and I don’t wanna think about what they will do with him. But least he’s gonna be in cat heaven. Bless him.

Well on a happier note, the christening is this weekend and everything seems to be coming together part from decorations but I guess that will happen on the day, my dress is hanging in the wardrobe and I think some fake tan is in need, and some jewelry but apart from that I think everything is okay I even got my nails done but am slowly regretting it, I can barely text or write for that fact.

Note to self: Get nails done shorted next time!

Well that’s about it for now I don’t have anymore trauma’s going on AT THE MOMENT! But who knows!

Zoe xx

Entry 6

Well lately I’ve spent most of my school time doing nothing! Today I have done 1 hour’s worth of work, I have no lessons now till tomorrow and even then I don’t have much because I have two hours of nothing. But today my health class was cancelled and I only have to go to my media class so the teacher can see I’m alive then leave. So today is a big waste of time! Nothing good will happen, and its not like I have loads of work to actually do!

The other day I wrote something for lee and his response was I don’t know what to say, I wasn’t impressed, I had gone into effort for that and all he could say was I don’t know, but today he has pulled through and wrote me something back, and tbh he anit don’t that bad, it made me smile and I suppose that’s all that matters, it explained a lot more than me just trying to guess what he was feeling and I’m glad he did. I hope things are gonna get better but I’ll never let my guard down till we leave this place, and even then I may be a bit apprehensive but like I’ve said a lot lately, only time will tell. I’m going round there tonight so we’ll see how that goes and if our relationship can be rebuilt to how it was before.

Moving on, life is back on the straight and narrow, apart form Lacey’s christening coming up, this is my mums fault she’s a last minute person, getting the Christmas presents on Christmas eve and wrapping them hours before we all get up,  but this needs to start getting done cos she anit done anything, food? Not even looked! Decorations? Of course not! The cake is ordered, got dresses and the hall booked but apart from that, nothing! And its in two weeks now, she needs to sort the house out yet! Cor thinking about it now! She’s got so much to do!I think that is what I will do now, research and make a plan, because if I don’t she wont and nothing will be ready!

I’ll write again soon.

Zoe xx

Entry 5

Well I’m in the library cos I have a free lesson, I probably have some kind of work to do but after giving all that work in on Friday I think I deserve a break. It’s not very quiet for a library and that sometimes can be annoying but you sort of get used to it after a while.

Well not much has happened, me and lee are together again after nearly two whole days, I’ve cried to much over that boy I would rather be with him so I can stop crying than be without him and carry on crying. But I really hope things are going to start getting better cos I don’t know how much chaos I can actually take in this relationship. I missed him a lot and I don’t want to be without him again. Yep I am quite a soppy person but that’s how I feel about the things that happen in my life. Now that all seems to be sorted I don’t really have anything to say.

Oh yeah, I went shopping to jolly old Bluewater yesterday to get a stupid dress for my sisters christening. The ‘theme’ is lilac, ha, like I’m gonna find a lilac dress let alone a lilac dress I like, so now my dress is black and grey and my mum can stick it up her ass cos I don’t really care what she thinks, I got some nice heels too, their nice and high and I think I’ll be able to walk in them fine, I had no trouble in them when I first tried them on so I hope I’ll be fine this is what they look like :D, but they are the best pair of shoes I’ve ever owned! And will last me a while I hope but that will probably have something to with the fact I won’t be wearing them much!

I'll probably write again soon as I am starting to enjoy this. I'll leave you with a line from Adele's someone like you!

Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead (8)

Zoe xx 

Entry 4

Well to start a new entry I have bad news, yep real bad news, me and lee are on a break, I never thought this would happen I never thought we would even got that close, but we have and we have broke up, this is not a good thing, I never wanted this and I thought I could trust him with everything even my heart but maybe not, he went behind my back and lied to me, AGAIN!

There only so much a girl can take and he has pushed the limit, everyone told me there nothing to worry bout she’s just a ‘friend’ yeah well try saying that when you find notes saying how she was a crush and he felt single when he was away from me, yeah that don’t really go down well. Yeah I want to be with him but I don’t think a girl can ever be with someone who had feelings for another girl while in another country, I felt like shit when I found that out and everything just seemed to go from bad to worse.

I want to be with him more than anything, but how am I suppose to do that if I cant even trust him. When I see some solid truth that they anit gonna talk anymore then maybe I’ll take him back, then maybe I’ll start to trust him again, and maybe just maybe, we might have back what we had before all this happened.

Well I’m in another study period, without the study room this time, and I’m without lee too, he’s in another room that I cant really be in, so here I am on my own in the library on the mac’s typing this.

I find it nice to type on these keyboards and easy to just type away, and I feel a bit better being able to express everything on here, I don’t care who reads it, I don’t think anyone ever will. But never mind I didn’t start this to get attention I started it to help put my thoughts and feeling into something I like doing.

Well on that note, I hope things get better, I hope he’ll not give up on me and still want me back when I’m ready but again. Only time will tell.

Zoe xx