Entry 7

Today is Monday and I already want the week to end, I cant be assed to do any work and I’m slowly falling behind in health. We went to the nursery Friday and the first thing our teacher did was have a go at us, hmm not the best start for going to be with happy little children, but she said after we was brilliant and to be honest I felt a bit smug about, we did painting and cutting and stick and then we made pasta chain things, I think we did pretty well and considering there quite a few of us there still wasn’t enough of us to be two at a table. But we did really well and we just got to type it up and what happened. Tomorrow I have Mrs. Dray which I’m not really looking forward to we have a lot of work to do for her and she’s not even a health teacher so anit really got a clue on what we’re meant to be doing. And I missed our last lesson because of R.E stop day that was a waste of time, and we have work due in and I didn’t know anything about it till today and even then I don’t know what I’m meant to be doing!

But all over subjects seem to be okay, media I’m doing okay just slacking slightly, business I’m probable further than most people but working to slow. But as long as I don’t come out with U’s I think I’ll be happy.

Bad news now, yesterday me and mum went out to the shed so she could show me what food she had got for the christening and there was a dead cat in there, it was horrible, but we think he had only just gone and he was still moveable, just. We knocked a few people’s houses and one lady said someone owned him in the flats and moved away leaving him behind, we named him Whiskers because he never had a collar, but we never fed him because we thought he had an owner and he would keep coming back over wise. But I feel sorry for him cos he died probably of hunger or was really ill. We rang the RSPCA but they couldn’t do anything because they only deal with ill or injured animals, they told us to ring the council which we did and they said they can only deal with him if he’s in a park or a highway, but today they rang back and are going to take him away, god knows what they’ll do with him and I don’t wanna think about what they will do with him. But least he’s gonna be in cat heaven. Bless him.

Well on a happier note, the christening is this weekend and everything seems to be coming together part from decorations but I guess that will happen on the day, my dress is hanging in the wardrobe and I think some fake tan is in need, and some jewelry but apart from that I think everything is okay I even got my nails done but am slowly regretting it, I can barely text or write for that fact.

Note to self: Get nails done shorted next time!

Well that’s about it for now I don’t have anymore trauma’s going on AT THE MOMENT! But who knows!

Zoe xx

Entry 6

Well lately I’ve spent most of my school time doing nothing! Today I have done 1 hour’s worth of work, I have no lessons now till tomorrow and even then I don’t have much because I have two hours of nothing. But today my health class was cancelled and I only have to go to my media class so the teacher can see I’m alive then leave. So today is a big waste of time! Nothing good will happen, and its not like I have loads of work to actually do!

The other day I wrote something for lee and his response was I don’t know what to say, I wasn’t impressed, I had gone into effort for that and all he could say was I don’t know, but today he has pulled through and wrote me something back, and tbh he anit don’t that bad, it made me smile and I suppose that’s all that matters, it explained a lot more than me just trying to guess what he was feeling and I’m glad he did. I hope things are gonna get better but I’ll never let my guard down till we leave this place, and even then I may be a bit apprehensive but like I’ve said a lot lately, only time will tell. I’m going round there tonight so we’ll see how that goes and if our relationship can be rebuilt to how it was before.

Moving on, life is back on the straight and narrow, apart form Lacey’s christening coming up, this is my mums fault she’s a last minute person, getting the Christmas presents on Christmas eve and wrapping them hours before we all get up,  but this needs to start getting done cos she anit done anything, food? Not even looked! Decorations? Of course not! The cake is ordered, got dresses and the hall booked but apart from that, nothing! And its in two weeks now, she needs to sort the house out yet! Cor thinking about it now! She’s got so much to do!I think that is what I will do now, research and make a plan, because if I don’t she wont and nothing will be ready!

I’ll write again soon.

Zoe xx

Entry 5

Well I’m in the library cos I have a free lesson, I probably have some kind of work to do but after giving all that work in on Friday I think I deserve a break. It’s not very quiet for a library and that sometimes can be annoying but you sort of get used to it after a while.

Well not much has happened, me and lee are together again after nearly two whole days, I’ve cried to much over that boy I would rather be with him so I can stop crying than be without him and carry on crying. But I really hope things are going to start getting better cos I don’t know how much chaos I can actually take in this relationship. I missed him a lot and I don’t want to be without him again. Yep I am quite a soppy person but that’s how I feel about the things that happen in my life. Now that all seems to be sorted I don’t really have anything to say.

Oh yeah, I went shopping to jolly old Bluewater yesterday to get a stupid dress for my sisters christening. The ‘theme’ is lilac, ha, like I’m gonna find a lilac dress let alone a lilac dress I like, so now my dress is black and grey and my mum can stick it up her ass cos I don’t really care what she thinks, I got some nice heels too, their nice and high and I think I’ll be able to walk in them fine, I had no trouble in them when I first tried them on so I hope I’ll be fine this is what they look like :D, but they are the best pair of shoes I’ve ever owned! And will last me a while I hope but that will probably have something to with the fact I won’t be wearing them much!

I'll probably write again soon as I am starting to enjoy this. I'll leave you with a line from Adele's someone like you!

Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead (8)

Zoe xx 

Entry 4

Well to start a new entry I have bad news, yep real bad news, me and lee are on a break, I never thought this would happen I never thought we would even got that close, but we have and we have broke up, this is not a good thing, I never wanted this and I thought I could trust him with everything even my heart but maybe not, he went behind my back and lied to me, AGAIN!

There only so much a girl can take and he has pushed the limit, everyone told me there nothing to worry bout she’s just a ‘friend’ yeah well try saying that when you find notes saying how she was a crush and he felt single when he was away from me, yeah that don’t really go down well. Yeah I want to be with him but I don’t think a girl can ever be with someone who had feelings for another girl while in another country, I felt like shit when I found that out and everything just seemed to go from bad to worse.

I want to be with him more than anything, but how am I suppose to do that if I cant even trust him. When I see some solid truth that they anit gonna talk anymore then maybe I’ll take him back, then maybe I’ll start to trust him again, and maybe just maybe, we might have back what we had before all this happened.

Well I’m in another study period, without the study room this time, and I’m without lee too, he’s in another room that I cant really be in, so here I am on my own in the library on the mac’s typing this.

I find it nice to type on these keyboards and easy to just type away, and I feel a bit better being able to express everything on here, I don’t care who reads it, I don’t think anyone ever will. But never mind I didn’t start this to get attention I started it to help put my thoughts and feeling into something I like doing.

Well on that note, I hope things get better, I hope he’ll not give up on me and still want me back when I’m ready but again. Only time will tell.

Zoe xx

Entry 3

Well right now I’m at jolly old sixth form. Really there nothing jolly about, really its just the same with the odd random things that the rest of the school don’t do, like study periods which I’m in right now.

Its a waste of two hours really, yeah I get some work done but I can think of much better things to do in two hours, and as our 'study room' is meant to be out of order but I’m sitting in it right now, working there anit much to do.

Me and lee are stable I suppose, things could be better but like I’ve said like 100 times, only time will tell. I just know that when my back is turned he's thinking about her, wanting to talk to her because he 'feels bad' HA, how you think I’ve been feeling this past 3 weeks! I think we just need a week off school and as out last week off he spent in another country with other girls I don’t think that one really counts. I better get off the subject though it just winds me up ¬_¬

I had a driving lesson and I hadn’t had one in a while as my last one he was so impatient he drove off after 5 mins of being late! It went well, I suppose I stalled a few times but hey, it’s only my third lesson! I can drive in straight lines but unfortunately the roads are not all straight! I enjoyed it though and I just want to learn it all and get on the roads but it’ll be ages before I can drive properly!

I’ve done some work today and I’m happy I did its been due in for ages and the fact I don’t go there everyday just makes matters worse, but I always think, least I’ve done some of the work unlike some people In my class! So that keeps me going some how. That seems to be my motto at the moment, could be worse! What about all them people in Japan late work is the least of their worries!

Well I’ll write next time I have some spare time J

Zoe xx

Entry 2

Well so far this blog hasn't gone according to plan, i haven't done another post till now, getting to a computer and finding time to do this is turning out harder than i thought.


Lots of things have happened in this week, mostly downs but there has been some silver lining, well not much, more of a grey misty colour. I'm trying, yeah I'm trying hard, but trying doesn't seem to cut it anymore, PROOF is what i need something solid i can see in front of my eyes and maybe even feel inside. But i dunno if I'll ever get that. I guess only time will tell.


I've only ever hated one person until now, and they know it, but i have no real reason to hate them, its not their fault, they just happened to get involved. I don't forget much and i hate that at times, but as I'm on my own half the time I've only ever had my thoughts to keep me company, and that's something i hate at times too.


My thoughts tell me things that i know that are not true, but then they can be right the whole time, they could be thinking them thoughts with good reason and that has stopped me from not thinking, when you think something and you are told its wrong, you start to doubt them thoughts but then when someone throws a spanner in the works and everything stops and actually makes sense, that's when you realise that nothing but your own thoughts are what you should listen too.

Lee and I have had some trouble these past two weeks and that's where the hate kicks in, i don't want to hate her, but i fear that's all i can feel for her, its not her fault and i know that but i don't think i can ever understand the thoughts that went through their heads, i don't think I'll ever understand just how he felt, and how Innocent it actually was but i suppose I'll never find out, this is also when my thoughts come into play, i was right to think about them things, i was right to not doubt what i was thinking and i was right to carry on pushing, till i found out the truth.

I did. and to think i just about to declare myself crazy and give in all together, everything just filled its place and the pieces fitted together and i knew it before i needed proof.

I guess this happens but i never actually thought it would, never actually believed this would happen to us, but in this case my thoughts were wrong, and that's not a good thing.

Everything seems to be settling, sort of, things have changed and i don't like it, i don't think things will ever be the same again and even now after all this, we're damaged, slowly but surely the cracks are staring to show and their getting more like caves and tunnels.

I don't think i can cry anymore, i think i have cried enough for a few months but who knows.

i hate feeling like this and even as time ticks by i don't know if things are getting better or worse.

Entry 1

I Zoe Haines, have started this blog just for fun, i wanna see if i can get used to the whole idea of an online diary, I hope to upload a photo a day which will probably turn into a photo a week at the rate i go with actually getting to a computer!


First of all i like to write; write stories, an odd diary here and there and anything that needs making interesting. I look at other people's blogs and i have realized how much work and learning this is gonna take if i'm gonna really enjoy it. 


Then I have Lee, which i will probably go on a lot about, today we have been together for 1 year and 6 months, and lately its been a task just to get here! I am at the moment waiting for him to get here and take me out, but due to his terrible time keeping i don't think he will be here anytime before half 2! Of course im used to it by now but i do get really bored as well as considering no one is actually here with me at the moment. 


But loud music to piss the neighbors off as they did me at 2 this morning when they were still whacking out their music, is a good way to kill time like this. I should be doing some seriously late course work that was due about two weeks ago. but yet here i am doing this and probably failing all my courses.


Never mind, well this has been my first post and i think i might actually enjoy doing this. 

This is the picture for today its my favorite pair of socks that i got for one birthday they make me laugh


Zoe x