Entry 16

Well its been a while, not much has changed. My birthday was good and I did get my Netbook but I have no internet to post anything with. Christmas was also better on the day, running up to christmas was horrible!

Me and lee are still together and it will be 3 years this years which is a long time. He now has a job and I am still looking :( which is unfair, but hopefully I'll find something soon. starting to get desperate especially as my oyster card is not full adult price, my ema is just not covering it. I have to save up for months to get any money to spend on anything I want.

As we're both 18 now we can both go out and have a drink, but you need money for that! I've been out a few times and i still struggle to get in even though I am actually old enough which sucks.

I'm looking for an apprenticeship in a nursery and that is hard enough! its all I wanna do really, apart from be a journalist but that is looking less likely everything time I think about it. My story writing is on the slow side and I never seem to be able to come up with original idea's and the ones I do think of become complicated and struggle to keep it going. I have been re-writing my talented story which is the most I have ever wrote, but I have never read the whole thing all the way through and it's not original. I may have to dig that out this easter holiday and read it and write it again, a book isn't a book if it hasn't been wrote again and again.

I finally leave school in June, its been a long time I have been at school, and don't get me wrong i'm gonna miss it when I leave but, I think its been to long now! if I don't get an apprenticeship I'll have to go collage  which is something I really don't wanna do! Even though it would be better than be at school for another year! Lee isn't going university nor am I, its just never appealed to me and seems a bit to much to get in all that debt for!

Well i'm gonna leave it there

Write soon

Zoe xx

Entry 15

Well its been a while since I wrote on this blog, nothing to drastic has happened in that time, me and lee have been okay, we had our moments but who doesn’t, I’m still praying that everything will be back to normal, but I feel that it wont be while we’re still stuck here, but oh well things seem to be okay.

I’ve got 11 days till my 18^th birthday, excited much!? I cant bloody wait, im just gonna be buying and joining up to stuff and maybe drinking more cos I actually finally can.

I’m gonna have fireworks at home and just some people round, my friends aren’t the best and hardly turn up for much, unless there is something free or worth their time, but oh well shit happens.

I cant wait till Christmas! I just like the whole putting up decorations and lights, it’s a nice feeling, and you get presents but I just like it.

I passed my theory last week! That was a huge relief I had finally passed, I can now focus on the actual test and make sure I get things right well im gonna leave it there.

I’m getting a netbook for my birthday so I should be able to write more soon!

Zoe xx

Entry 14

It’s been a long time since I last wrote on this blog at that’s bad of me. A lot of things have happened. I’m back at my second year of sixth form and it’s a pain in the butt as normal. Lee and I have made it to 2 years and we doing okay.

I did well in my results; I finally got my C in English but still got a D in maths so I’m doing that again. I got a C for media a-level which I was well happy about but I didn’t get my health mark till next year when I have finished the course. I’m still glad with what I got though and defiantly did better than the year before. I’m carrying on doing media and health, but have taken up film and re doing math’s again. We have a new common room with nice new sofas and we can finally all fit in without fighting for a chair. There is a New Year group below us and they all seem pretty normal. So nothing really changes here.

The stuff me and lee were going through before has all finished, she still stalks the hell out of us but I can deal with that, it will always be at the back of my mind but I have forgotten about it for now. My heart it nearly repaired and once we leave this place everything should be fine. We made it to 2 years, when we first started going out I never thought it would last this long, but I’m glad it has, we may have our ups and downs but who doesn’t? He is currently sitting next to me writing some work that due in last lesson, but I have 4 hours free now. So haven’t got much to do really.

Nothing much in my life has changed; my hair may have got a bit longer but I’m finally getting it cut on Monday after asking my mum for months! And I had two teeth pulled out, which was an experience! I went to the dentist back in august about a tooth ache and I don’t the dentist as it is and then being told I need two teeth taken out was scary, so they referred me to some health center where they knock you out so you don’t feel a thing, that is until you wake up. It weren’t till September that I actually got a appointment at this place but when I woke up I was so confused and the bleeding was bad and my face felt fat but it weren’t that bad I did have to drink soup for a few days and I still am struggling to eat properly. But there’s no pain anymore. I now only drink water which probably won’t make much of a difference but it’s a start.

I went on holiday twice in the summer holidays; I went camping in sandwich with my mum on the first week and then stayed in a chalet in camber on the second week. I had a good time. Camber sands were good and the chalet was nice that we stayed in for the week which I was really surprised at I thought it was gonna be well run down and dirty but no. The camping weren’t that bad the weather wasn’t brilliant but that’s British weather for you. We went to some nice beaches and sea sides and we met Lee in Ramsgate one day so I could go collect my results on time which was nice.

I also went to Belgium and France with school, it was all about the war and we went to many grave sites. We only stayed the one night but it was still worth all the traveling and walking. I made new friends and talked to new people. So I had a good time.

I have lots of parties to go to this month and its my 18^th birthday in 2 months so im excited!  

I’m sure there is loads more to write but I just cant think of it, I’ll try and write again soon.

Zoe xx

Entry 13

I haven’t written in a while so here’s my latest input. I’ve finished my exams, hopefully I’ll come out with better grades that I did last year, I hope I done well with my a level media as well, that would really help me along. School has been a drag, but nothing much changes there. Least I have less work to do at the moment its just my coursework based subjects that I have to worry about now.

Well other stuff, last week was the rally and I had a relatively good time, the band was good, the weather was good and the food and drink was good. It took us ages to get down there considering its normally only a hours journey, this was because lee’s bike decided to be rubbish and brake every time we tried to move. Running along the road with it was no fun! And the weather was hot for a change so it got thirsty and sweaty! But it started eventually and was fine towards the END of the journey. But apart from that everything else was fine. My mum ended up coming which wasn’t as bad as it could have been, Lacey was spoiled of course, and Luke didn’t come. But nothing changes.

Me and Lee have been okay, that stupid bitch has been ‘up in my grill’ again, its so hard not to say anything to the snotty nosed bitch, its taking a lot of self control and real reasoning for me to hold back, on something I would love to do. But im doing it of course to keep the peace. ¬_¬

Well that’s about all I can cram into this post for now, I’ll try and write some more soon

Zoe xx

Entry 12

Well I'm writing this on my iPod and I'm amazed it is even able to do this, well not much has happened apart from my exams have started I don't feel as confindent as I did last year and im gonna be so fed up if I fail for the second time there is so much pressure on you to do good, and I'm not a bad student it's just craming 10 years worth of stuff into you hard and expected to remember it all seems a hard task to me, I know thousands of people do it every year and past then how come I still havent done it well we'll find out in august won't will

Well Lees playing xbox so I'm bored and my iPod disclose to death, I'll let you know the rest of my crappy exams go

Zoe xx

Entry 11

A lot is going through my head right now, stuff that I wish wasn’t there and would leave my head forever! I’m trying to forgive and forget but that don’t seem to work anymore, until this problem is erased completely I’ll never be the same again, yeah of course this has all got to do with lee, everything I do is to do with lee, that the hardest part Is guess, knowing that anything that happens in my life Lee is gonna be involved and be part of the occasion, but that’s how its gonna be if we stay together. Oh well I like him being there it makes me feel better about myself and about my future.

Yeah right now I should be doing work but as I am on the mac’s that’s a bit harder cos word is so different. I love these keyboards! Their so easy to type with that’s why I tend to only type a lot when I’m on here.

Well anyway this is just a quick post, I don’t have much else to say that will only bring back unwanted thoughts and feelings!

Zoe xx 

Entry 10

Today I am on a downer. Could be feeling better but the thoughts in my head decide my mood more than often. Everything just seems to pile on top and that’s when I feel like shit, because my life isn’t as good as it could be, and this place has turned into something I don’t wanna go to everyday, and considering I’ve only been here less than a year that isn’t a good thing, but do you know who I blame this on? Lee. I’m struggling there again, things seem okay, just okay nothing happens anymore, everything there is a hidden thought behind it or a argument in the works, when everything was going well and then going bad, my head is stuck in the middle and shouting at me how did you let your guard down so much? You know what happens when you get that low! This is kind of ironic because I am listening to All Time Low by The Wanted and the words are ‘how do you get up from an all time low?’ yeah not helping.

I need some motivation and at the moment I have nothing! I’ve have ten tonnes of work to do. Exams coming up and I’m just no good at this school stuff, I have no money so I cant buy stuff, (that normally cheers me up a little bit) just life just drifting on and on without a purpose! I suppose I’m not failing, I’m just behind not as much as other people and that’s a good thought too. But I don’t wanna do this sixth form anymore, its just school but in different clothes, and a common room. Yeah that’s pretty much as it is, I hate the early mornings and I probably would be better off just getting my English and maths and leaving. But really I need my health work I can see myself doing something health related I hope, it would be a good and useful job. With lots of time off.

Well I’m going now as I have ran out of ideas that I even bore myself with.

Zoe xx